Tom's Media Scrapbook

Dir. David Hackl
Year: 2008
Cert. 18

“You won’t believe how it ends” barked the ad campaign with its deliciously grisly image of jigsaws face stretched onto the body of a new criminal protagonist. The only thing I couldn’t believe, frankly, was the sheer lameness and predictability of it all. And I still can’t believe this shit has yet to run out of steam.

I can’t stand the Saw franchise. There are worse films out there: films with more embarrassing acting and more cringe-worthy scripts. Even films with shoddier direction (possibly). But the thing that gets me riled, that really gets me down, is they pretend they’re good. Each chapter trundles along with a self righteous sense of importance that everyone seems to buy into.

The first arrived with no fanfare and impressively simplistic advertising. All my friends in 6th form quickly declared it the best serial killer film since sliced bread. ‘Even better than Se7en?’ I ventured (foolishly). ‘Definitely’ came the enthusiastic reply. What I got was way off the mark. I hated it because everybody else seemed to love it. I thought the acting sucked, I wished the direction would stop flashing about like an ADD addled MTV fan and found the whole plot and twist simply too ridiculous to take seriously. With expectations re-aligned we’re left with a low budget and low-class but inventive piece of pulp entertainment, with impressive gore effects and a goofy ‘what’s gonna happen next?’ plot. It was no masterpiece but an effective guilty pleasure. As the sequels appeared on a yearly basis the gore effects have improved but the plot and acting nosedived as each twist favored obscure coincidence over plot logic.

The biggest, most unforgivable problem with Saw V is that it even manages to fail in the gore department. At least previous entries (which I have always ended up being forced to watch due to peer pressure) had it where it counts in the ‘eww’ factor. But Saw part 5 is simply, crushingly, boring, with uninspired shocks and little opportunity for memorable gory effects. We have Tobin Bell (an effective character actor now heavily on autopilot) back in flashbacks as Jigsaw. We have a group of people forced to endure his traps in a manner so unrelated to the overall plot one has to wonder if studio interference shoe-horned the whole thing in. The plot centers around Jigsaws police-detective prodigy revealed at the climax of the last film and the ‘true-blue’ detective who escaped last time who’s after him. “Which one is which?” implored my girlfriend. Its hard to tell because both characters are so generic, so utterly contrived and bland that you struggle to distinguish them by their similarly B-movie acting.

The first scene is typical grisly Saw as we have a hapless fellow chopped up slowly so we see his entrails all over the place. We then plummet into on the chin exposition, lots of furrowed brows and plenty of over-excited flashbacks (made more ‘intense’ with big ‘thuds’) to other franchise entries as the whole manufactured uninspired piece of garbage scrabbles around looking for a plot. The ending, the ‘twist’, so stupid and sudden (also the worst of the series, ironic huh?) predictably paving the way for part 6. Every single set lit like its the middle of the night. (why does the police station constantly look like its in the middle of a blackout) the supporting characters so lame in their roles and idiotic in their actions. When the clown thing trundles in and growls “ I want to play a game” the audience is supposed to be excited by the familiarity of the series staple, to build their anticipation, to create that little spark that all the most memorable franchise moments do. I wanted to shoot him in the face before turning the gun on myself.

The whole series is replete with superficial values, keeping its sights firmly on its target audience. Admittedly there’s nothing here to rival number 4’s good looking, toned guy (goodie) turning up the heat on the big fat grimy looking (baddie) child-molester but it comes close. Without the violent set-pieces its been neutered. When the series runs out of interesting ideas for people dying its pretty much run out of ideas altogether. Its 24 without Jack Bauer, its Playboy with just the articles, the whole reason people pay to see these films is diminishing but they still cling on to the plot as the main interest. Such people are kidding themselves. Admit you watch it for the nasty deaths, Lionsgate should really be admitting the same. The whole thing is tired, there’s potential here if the film-makers decided to try something different but while the money still pours in we’re looking at the adult equivalent of High School Musical 3.

Maybe this will be the last one I am forced to watch. I doubt it.

See you next Halloween.

1 star (out of 5)